Literally. Today I'm moving out of college for the Summer, finishing up my second year at GVSU. This year completely flew by. I swear, just yesterday I was in New York, and just before that I was moving in! Unfortunately it was the worst year academically, but that's just a bump in the road. I'm growing up now. This will be my last Summer in Flint, which is kinda scary. Who will I stay in touch with? Am I really growing up? What if I want to stay here and play Quidditch forever? :)
I'm fine really. It's just weird to think how fast the pace is that my life is moving. I can't wait to spend the next couple months with my family because on July 20th, I actually move out here. I won't live in a dorm or anything, I'm actually living in a townhouse. Weird! Ah!
Brayden is getting so big, and I haven't seen him in over a month. I cannot wait until he gets here. I met some pretty awesome people at college and I love them but I wouldn't stay another day here over seeing him. Now if only Kaela, Nick, and Dominick lived in Michigan...
I should probably go pack my stuff now.
Until Next Time,
No more dying of heat! :D
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
I Don't Really Do My Best Thinking in the Shower
Well, life is still confusing. College is weird and people are interesting. Life is both, plus some.
In a way, I'm glad that "success" and money are important. It gives you something to work for, but I feel like most people think that success IS money when really I think it isn't. College is supposed to be the best years of your life, right? Here we are able to explore paths that aren't available to us in other parts of our life. At the same time, isn't it hindering? We're expected to figure things out in the first year of college (they say 2 years, but they're lying) but that's only considering what you've experienced so far in life. There are so many things to take into consideration aside from a career when trying to plan out your life that you almost have to be able to see into the future to do it. I've always been the kind of person to play things out in my head before they happen, only to find they don't happen how I expect them to at all. I also try to force a path to go one way, when it's clearly trying to go another. Why am I so filled with anxiety because I'm so bent on making the best decisions? Am I just scared that life isn't going to be what I want it to be? And what exactly is it that I want from life?
I've learned that it's possible to fall into a cycle of expecting bad things to happen and consequently causing the self-fulfilling prophecy thing to occur, which in turn makes me lose faith in other things. I've also learned that I am comfortable in that cycle. I'm comfortable with expecting to be let down, then not being so disappointed when it happens. I'm comfortable letting other people down to avoid high expectations of me. I am comfortable in not having confidence to succeed, which to me is more than just finance, but I still haven't defined it yet. It's only today that I realized I'm not okay with any of this. Yes it's familiar, and maybe it's cozy. But I don't want to be here anymore. Why should I be okay with something less than great?
Aside from trying to figure out my career choice in college, I feel like it's where I am finding my confidence and learning what success is. Living below the standard I found here makes me realize that if I set myself up to fail, that's exactly what will happen. Forget trying to plan life out, that only makes me expect disappointment. I will find success, and I refuse to have it any other way.
Until next time,
When in doubt, chapstick.
In a way, I'm glad that "success" and money are important. It gives you something to work for, but I feel like most people think that success IS money when really I think it isn't. College is supposed to be the best years of your life, right? Here we are able to explore paths that aren't available to us in other parts of our life. At the same time, isn't it hindering? We're expected to figure things out in the first year of college (they say 2 years, but they're lying) but that's only considering what you've experienced so far in life. There are so many things to take into consideration aside from a career when trying to plan out your life that you almost have to be able to see into the future to do it. I've always been the kind of person to play things out in my head before they happen, only to find they don't happen how I expect them to at all. I also try to force a path to go one way, when it's clearly trying to go another. Why am I so filled with anxiety because I'm so bent on making the best decisions? Am I just scared that life isn't going to be what I want it to be? And what exactly is it that I want from life?
I've learned that it's possible to fall into a cycle of expecting bad things to happen and consequently causing the self-fulfilling prophecy thing to occur, which in turn makes me lose faith in other things. I've also learned that I am comfortable in that cycle. I'm comfortable with expecting to be let down, then not being so disappointed when it happens. I'm comfortable letting other people down to avoid high expectations of me. I am comfortable in not having confidence to succeed, which to me is more than just finance, but I still haven't defined it yet. It's only today that I realized I'm not okay with any of this. Yes it's familiar, and maybe it's cozy. But I don't want to be here anymore. Why should I be okay with something less than great?
Aside from trying to figure out my career choice in college, I feel like it's where I am finding my confidence and learning what success is. Living below the standard I found here makes me realize that if I set myself up to fail, that's exactly what will happen. Forget trying to plan life out, that only makes me expect disappointment. I will find success, and I refuse to have it any other way.
Until next time,
When in doubt, chapstick.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Letter I'll Never Send #2
To you,
It's been awhile, and I'm surprised it's taken me this long. I hope life is alright with you. In case you were wondering, I've been okay. It's hard sometimes to remember to relax in life. I need to just be patient and stop trying to grow up so fast. My years are going by fast and I hardly get to stop and take a breath. I've been lucky enough to do it a lot recently though. You probably don't know this, but I've been signing a lot lately. I feel like God has been trying to guide me this way for awhile. Maybe not God, but something. He's still something I'm pretty unsure of. We talked about Him a little over the course of our friendship, and I don't think much has changed as far as that goes.
I wish you were still here. Sometimes I want to just be next to you and talk about a lot of the stuff we used to. I liked your view on life. I'm pretty curious to know if that's changed. At the same time, I really hope you're doing your own thing. I hope things are going in the direction you couldn't go with me there. I think I've changed a bit, even within the last month. Can't really fight it forever, can you? :)
In the small chance you will actually read this, I want you to know that I've forgiven you, and I've forgiven myself. I don't believe in fate, but I know we were supposed to cross paths. You strengthened me as a person, and for that I will always be grateful. I hope in the end, I had some positive effect on you too. I understand that no matter how much you want something to turn out one way, or how hard you try to push it in one direction, it's gonna do its own thing. And now we're only left with memories. In some way, moments with you are like 90's cartoons. Sometimes I'm gonna flip on netflix to watch with nostalgia, but they're not being made anymore. Maybe someday I'll find cartoons I like better, but at the moment 90s cartoons are still the best. ;)
I won't say anymore for now, even though you know I could talk for hours. I just wanted you to know that I still smile when I think of you.
Until we meet again,
Rachel
It's been awhile, and I'm surprised it's taken me this long. I hope life is alright with you. In case you were wondering, I've been okay. It's hard sometimes to remember to relax in life. I need to just be patient and stop trying to grow up so fast. My years are going by fast and I hardly get to stop and take a breath. I've been lucky enough to do it a lot recently though. You probably don't know this, but I've been signing a lot lately. I feel like God has been trying to guide me this way for awhile. Maybe not God, but something. He's still something I'm pretty unsure of. We talked about Him a little over the course of our friendship, and I don't think much has changed as far as that goes.
I wish you were still here. Sometimes I want to just be next to you and talk about a lot of the stuff we used to. I liked your view on life. I'm pretty curious to know if that's changed. At the same time, I really hope you're doing your own thing. I hope things are going in the direction you couldn't go with me there. I think I've changed a bit, even within the last month. Can't really fight it forever, can you? :)
In the small chance you will actually read this, I want you to know that I've forgiven you, and I've forgiven myself. I don't believe in fate, but I know we were supposed to cross paths. You strengthened me as a person, and for that I will always be grateful. I hope in the end, I had some positive effect on you too. I understand that no matter how much you want something to turn out one way, or how hard you try to push it in one direction, it's gonna do its own thing. And now we're only left with memories. In some way, moments with you are like 90's cartoons. Sometimes I'm gonna flip on netflix to watch with nostalgia, but they're not being made anymore. Maybe someday I'll find cartoons I like better, but at the moment 90s cartoons are still the best. ;)
I won't say anymore for now, even though you know I could talk for hours. I just wanted you to know that I still smile when I think of you.
Until we meet again,
Rachel
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