Well, life is still confusing. College is weird and people are interesting. Life is both, plus some.
In a way, I'm glad that "success" and money are important. It gives you something to work for, but I feel like most people think that success IS money when really I think it isn't. College is supposed to be the best years of your life, right? Here we are able to explore paths that aren't available to us in other parts of our life. At the same time, isn't it hindering? We're expected to figure things out in the first year of college (they say 2 years, but they're lying) but that's only considering what you've experienced so far in life. There are so many things to take into consideration aside from a career when trying to plan out your life that you almost have to be able to see into the future to do it. I've always been the kind of person to play things out in my head before they happen, only to find they don't happen how I expect them to at all. I also try to force a path to go one way, when it's clearly trying to go another. Why am I so filled with anxiety because I'm so bent on making the best decisions? Am I just scared that life isn't going to be what I want it to be? And what exactly is it that I want from life?
I've learned that it's possible to fall into a cycle of expecting bad things to happen and consequently causing the self-fulfilling prophecy thing to occur, which in turn makes me lose faith in other things. I've also learned that I am comfortable in that cycle. I'm comfortable with expecting to be let down, then not being so disappointed when it happens. I'm comfortable letting other people down to avoid high expectations of me. I am comfortable in not having confidence to succeed, which to me is more than just finance, but I still haven't defined it yet. It's only today that I realized I'm not okay with any of this. Yes it's familiar, and maybe it's cozy. But I don't want to be here anymore. Why should I be okay with something less than great?
Aside from trying to figure out my career choice in college, I feel like it's where I am finding my confidence and learning what success is. Living below the standard I found here makes me realize that if I set myself up to fail, that's exactly what will happen. Forget trying to plan life out, that only makes me expect disappointment. I will find success, and I refuse to have it any other way.
Until next time,
When in doubt, chapstick.
Never subscribe to the thought that you are supposed to figure out "life" in the first 2 years of college. As you know know, it's just not that simple. I believe that life can be mostly simplified by a statement that Spike Lee said (And I don't even much care for him!) "Do the right thing." Maybe I have too much belief in people but I think everyone knows what that means. I've said it from day one... success isn't measured in monetary things, it's measured by the positive impact you've had in others lives. Chad Atkinson just posted something the other day...you have a start date, end date, and a dash inbetween on your headstone. What will you do with your dash? I gave my typical smart assed comments, "I wanna rock", but it's much more than that. I raised 4 girls and I couldn't ask for them to be any better. Sure, I'll always be "Dad" and want for them to do something different sometimes but that's my job. Nobody is perfect but I'd gladly take 10 more of each of my girls!!! Another part of my "dash" is about how I've treated myself. Sure could have done a better job there but not much I can do about it now. Anyway...you're starting to figure it out kiddo...much faster than your old man did. Just remember...if anyone says you're not following the correct path, just quote Grandpa Stu and tell them "you're full of blue mud!" :)
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