The end of my teenage years of course. June 15th, 20 years old! 2 decades... holy crap! Seems like forever. Like a lifetime. Oh wait...
I finally got a job. McDonalds... woo. But a job is a job and I'm that much closer to getting my baby, aka a 2008 Kawasaki Ninja 250r. Lime green of course. :)
My most important update though, I'm happy. For the first time in a long while, I am happy with how things are going. No, life isn't perfect but you can't exactly know what happiness is if you don't experience the downsides of things.
Most of the people currently in my life are awesome. I've patched up (kinda) things with a couple people, spent more time hanging out with people instead of being lazy around my house, and I even went out and got my motorcycle endorsement! Progress! Toward what, I'm not sure, but I dig it.
I apologize if this post wasn't all that entertaining, but I promise my next one will be another short (short) story. :)
Until next time, Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
P.S. I still need your help with tour de cure! If you donate to my cause, I will love you forever! Though I probably already do. :)
As a lot of you know, I have diabetes. I'm not gonna complain about the finger pokes, injections, blood sugar spikes and drops, or anything like that. But it is important to know these things when considering the importance of finding a cure. And these things are just the easy stuff! There are thousands of people, children even, who have a lot of difficulty managing their blood sugars and consequently, their lives. That's why I'm participating in a 10 mile bike ride called Tour de Cure to raise awareness, prevention, and to help find a cure for diabetes. However, I need to raise $200 (at least! More is always great!) by then. That's where YOU come in. :)
You can always donate (anonymously if you prefer) at my tour page or in person to me. I really appreciate it!
Last year I got to participate and it was an amazing experience! I got a jersey for being a "Red Rider" or a rider with diabetes, and when I finished, I got special applause for it. It felt so incredible, like I was receiving much more support than I have ever received in my life. It's really hard to explain how awesome it was. I'd like to experience that again this year! So Help me out, please? :)
Literally. Today I'm moving out of college for the Summer, finishing up my second year at GVSU. This year completely flew by. I swear, just yesterday I was in New York, and just before that I was moving in! Unfortunately it was the worst year academically, but that's just a bump in the road. I'm growing up now. This will be my last Summer in Flint, which is kinda scary. Who will I stay in touch with? Am I really growing up? What if I want to stay here and play Quidditch forever? :) I'm fine really. It's just weird to think how fast the pace is that my life is moving. I can't wait to spend the next couple months with my family because on July 20th, I actually move out here. I won't live in a dorm or anything, I'm actually living in a townhouse. Weird! Ah! Brayden is getting so big, and I haven't seen him in over a month. I cannot wait until he gets here. I met some pretty awesome people at college and I love them but I wouldn't stay another day here over seeing him. Now if only Kaela, Nick, and Dominick lived in Michigan...
Well, life is still confusing. College is weird and people are interesting. Life is both, plus some.
In a way, I'm glad that "success" and money are important. It gives you something to work for, but I feel like most people think that success IS money when really I think it isn't. College is supposed to be the best years of your life, right? Here we are able to explore paths that aren't available to us in other parts of our life. At the same time, isn't it hindering? We're expected to figure things out in the first year of college (they say 2 years, but they're lying) but that's only considering what you've experienced so far in life. There are so many things to take into consideration aside from a career when trying to plan out your life that you almost have to be able to see into the future to do it. I've always been the kind of person to play things out in my head before they happen, only to find they don't happen how I expect them to at all. I also try to force a path to go one way, when it's clearly trying to go another. Why am I so filled with anxiety because I'm so bent on making the best decisions? Am I just scared that life isn't going to be what I want it to be? And what exactly is it that I want from life?
I've learned that it's possible to fall into a cycle of expecting bad things to happen and consequently causing the self-fulfilling prophecy thing to occur, which in turn makes me lose faith in other things. I've also learned that I am comfortable in that cycle. I'm comfortable with expecting to be let down, then not being so disappointed when it happens. I'm comfortable letting other people down to avoid high expectations of me. I am comfortable in not having confidence to succeed, which to me is more than just finance, but I still haven't defined it yet. It's only today that I realized I'm not okay with any of this. Yes it's familiar, and maybe it's cozy. But I don't want to be here anymore. Why should I be okay with something less than great?
Aside from trying to figure out my career choice in college, I feel like it's where I am finding my confidence and learning what success is. Living below the standard I found here makes me realize that if I set myself up to fail, that's exactly what will happen. Forget trying to plan life out, that only makes me expect disappointment. I will find success, and I refuse to have it any other way.
It's been awhile, and I'm surprised it's taken me this long. I hope life is alright with you. In case you were wondering, I've been okay. It's hard sometimes to remember to relax in life. I need to just be patient and stop trying to grow up so fast. My years are going by fast and I hardly get to stop and take a breath. I've been lucky enough to do it a lot recently though. You probably don't know this, but I've been signing a lot lately. I feel like God has been trying to guide me this way for awhile. Maybe not God, but something. He's still something I'm pretty unsure of. We talked about Him a little over the course of our friendship, and I don't think much has changed as far as that goes.
I wish you were still here. Sometimes I want to just be next to you and talk about a lot of the stuff we used to. I liked your view on life. I'm pretty curious to know if that's changed. At the same time, I really hope you're doing your own thing. I hope things are going in the direction you couldn't go with me there. I think I've changed a bit, even within the last month. Can't really fight it forever, can you? :)
In the small chance you will actually read this, I want you to know that I've forgiven you, and I've forgiven myself. I don't believe in fate, but I know we were supposed to cross paths. You strengthened me as a person, and for that I will always be grateful. I hope in the end, I had some positive effect on you too. I understand that no matter how much you want something to turn out one way, or how hard you try to push it in one direction, it's gonna do its own thing. And now we're only left with memories. In some way, moments with you are like 90's cartoons. Sometimes I'm gonna flip on netflix to watch with nostalgia, but they're not being made anymore. Maybe someday I'll find cartoons I like better, but at the moment 90s cartoons are still the best. ;)
I won't say anymore for now, even though you know I could talk for hours. I just wanted you to know that I still smile when I think of you.
My arms feel week. My breathing is short and my mind is racing. Right now, I see him. We speak no words, he just walks up and embraces me. The ice that has been encasing my heart for the last year melts as I feel his hands meet my back. It has been so long, I have forgotten how he feels in my arms.
Last year, I had the opportunity to take his hand and face the world. Together. Instead, I crossed my arms and turned away. I had been crushed by a previous love, and from that I learned never to trust anyone else with my band-aid covered heart. But I wanted to. Oh, I really wanted to. I just couldn't do it. Better to be safe than sorry, right? I had my friends, who were great company, and a 12-week old extremely playful Siberian Husky. I wish I could have seen how wrong I was to think that would suffice. After I tasted the new flavor of life that he brought, I was hooked. I still am.
He pulls away and I notice in his eyes that life hasn't been very kind to him. He smiles at me, and for a moment, my feet are in the sand, our fingers are interlocked, my head is on his shoulder, and the sun is painting what I feel onto its canvas that is the sky. I blink and my feet are now covered with ratty converse instead of sand. Lake Huron is no longer meeting the horizon. I am standing on scuffed tiling, surrounded by over the counter medications and toothpaste. Rite-Aid in Grand Rapids hardly holds the same opportunity for an intimate connection as Caseville did, but I'm not complaining. We could be standing next to the county dump and I would still be on cloud nine. I missed that smile.
His eyes take their turn to speak. I don't know what his recent past holds but it must not have been positive. His green eyes are slightly sunken, wrinkles are formed on the corners, and he just looks... older. I feel my hand try to reach for his. I need to make everything better. Instead, my hand finds my own face, as if I need to assure it's still there. I walked away from him. I left him to face the world alone. His heart was broken the same way my previous love had broken mine.
Why can't I speak? There is so much I want to say. I'm sorry. I love you. You are still the one who holds my heart and I was so wrong to push you away. But I am frozen. I need to say something, but I can't.
Suddenly, I missed my chance. I'm staring into the darkness in the direction of my ceiling and I realize it was all a dream. You came back, but only in my mind. My eyes squeeze shut and I am begging my brain to take me back. But it's too late. You're gone.
People often assume things that aren't true. Specifically, that I'm a heartless bitch. I guess, since that's how certain people have been acting toward me lately.Just in case you're reading this, and you think this of me, I hope I never did anything to you to make you think that. While I often don't like myself, I try to be a better person to those around me. Give yourself a chance to really know me before you assume, and I'll do the same.
Moving on, today I went to the beach with a friend of mine. We chatted about a lot. Family, God, boys, reading saxophone playing Swedish super model chefs who are always stocked with sunscreen and chapstick... I forgot something there. But you get my point. I've got to grow up. I've got to get a job and start depending on myself. While I have friends, the only person who has ever been able to see every side of me (and understand each one) isn't here anymore. How do you emotionally depend on one person for so long and then stop? What am I supposed to do now? I mean, I can't force that connection with anyone but I crave it so bad. I need to be able to show my rawest form to my best friend without any conditions or consequences. I just don't have that.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting down the friends I have, I love them. But I need a best friend. I need a family that can hold themselves together. I need to learn how to be happy with myself.
They are easily some of my favorite kind of people. The passion of a competitive sport PLUS the basis of Harry Potter... these are the kind of people I want to be surrounded by. I can't help but to be in a good mood around my team. The fire I feel in me when my head is down, my eyes are shut, knee on the ground, and I'm waiting to hear the "b" in "brooms up" is such an incredible thing to feel when you know 13 other people on the pitch are feeling the same thing you are.
I'll stop swooning over Quidditch now, and just give an update on the last week of my life. SO MUCH PLANNING. But our tournament went extremely well. 5 teams ended up there: us, the Jetpack Ninja Dinosaurs from Space, Ball State University, IUSB, and Central Michigan University. Even though we had some road bumps along the way, I would have to say it was extremely successful. We ended up taking third, and I have never been so proud of my team. Every single person played from the heart and you could definitely see it. The programs we made came out really well, the pitch turned out nice, the weather was gorgeous, the sound system worked well, and the people were awesome.
We've got another tournament coming up on the 31st at MSU. I'm hoping I'll be up and running again by next week so I can get some more practice in. I'm ready to get on the ground again. I can't wait.
It's so beautiful here. Right now, I'm sitting outside, creating an ad for this weekend, and I'm not even at my own place... haha. Well, if you want to be technical, I'm typing this blog and not creating an ad, but you understand my point, right? The weather over the past couple days has been phenomenal. Yesterday, it hit 80 degrees. I was seriously contemplating going to the beach. Then I remembered that it is March, I had Quidditch practice, and the water was probably freezing.But, a girl can dream, right? :)
The weather has been giving me all kinds of good feelings. I haven't been really down lately or anything, just kinda in a constant "eh" mood. It's like, I'm optimistic. I'm ready to tackle some Quidditch players on Saturday. :) While there's still a lot to be done before Saturday, I'm proud of how much work and effort that has already been put into this, not even just from our team. We've made almost $100 just from advertising in our program, and we've got volunteers coming from other schools to help us out. The Quidditch community includes some of my favorite people in the world.
Speaking of Quidditch... kinda... I officially registered for this year's LeakyCon! I haven't been to any of the previous ones, but since I know some really awesome dedicated HP fans like myself (who also happen to be Quidditch players... YEAH.), I will be heading to Chicago this August to go nerd it out. I'm way too excited for this. My life is awesome.
On a completely separate note, I, and I'm sure many others, really wish I had a remote control for life. Right now I wish I could just pause time, frolic in the warm sunshine, take a nap, check off everything on my to-do list, and maybe even clean the apartment.
However, since I don't have this remote, I'm gonna go try to get some of those things done with the little time I have. ;)
Until next time, Ready to kick some muggle ass. ;)
Maybe it's because it's past 4:30 in the morning that I find this post so funny, but I'm not complaining. I just thought I'd share this with you.
I have a sign language performance in about 5 hours. Since I have to take the bus downtown for this class, I'm not going to sleep as I'm WAY TOO AFRAID of sleeping through this. THIS is what I'm doing with my life and I just can't let this one go. I enjoy signing and for once I have confidence in what I'm doing. :)
Sorry tonight's post isn't really entertaining (not that my other ones really are) but I'm gonna go practice signing about my trip to the library.
I've decided that I'm going to start writing in the form of letters to people who may or may not be important to me for a little while. With that, here begins letters I will never send.
Dear You,
I miss you. Today I was thinking about you, like every day. I miss spending days at a time in your apartment. How are you doing? How's heaven? Is it like I imagine? Heaven to me is not perfect. It's a continuous adventure with ups and downs. Really, it's life without the fear of death. Loving without the fear of being hurt. Heaven is the lack of fear. Is that what it's like? You can't be afraid for me because you know I'll be okay in the end. I'd ask you to give me a glimpse, but I don't want to live in the future all the same I don't want to live in the past. Can you run without being afraid of pain? Can you jump? Are you with your siblings again? Is that where you'd rather be? How do I know you're really there? I miss you. I hate that I can remember some of our worst moments even though I know that's not what you care about.
I'm so curious about death, but I'm not afraid. I want to enjoy what is a little more certain right now.
What if there's nothing?
I hope to hear from you soon. Love you, Your Big Baby Girl
Okay, deep breath. I may or may not be about to take the next step into my adult phase of life. Two of my friends and I are very possibly looking at signing a 12 month lease on a townhouse for next year, starting in July. Where is my life going?! I can't explain how scary yet exciting this is. Here comes even more responsibility. But the fun kind! I'd have to say I'm definitely more excited than scared. But where did some of my favorite things go? For instance, when I was little, my dad played this game called Monster Dad with my sister and me. It was just this silly game where my dad would hide somewhere while my sister and I went looking for him around the house, and he'd jump out and chase us with his hands up like claws. My sister and I laughed and screamed and ran... It was so simple but it's one of my favorite memories ever. And one day, I was living in my first house, and it was a really warm spring morning. I was walking to the bus stop two doors down between two giant pines. There's not much special about this memory, but there was a special warmth and happiness that is emphasized in my head that I wish I could grasp. I have no idea what made that moment so amazing in a young girl's head. Maybe it was the pure innocence of the moment, I don't know. Whatever it was, it's forever cemented in my head.
What causes simple moments like that to be implanted into our best memories? Whether it's your grandmother tucking you in with a certain sheet on her couch, or jumping on your old trampoline with dish soap... what makes some of those special moments special?
If we had the ability to seize these feelings as we remembered them... wouldn't that be amazing? Maybe later on, I'll be able to gain those feelings again through my children and grandchildren. Who knows? For now, I'll live in the moment. Don't forget to appreciate the little things. Someday they may be the best memories you have!
I'd like to say... my parents are almost always right. I used to think, "oh my gosh, just STOP TALKING. Things are WAY different than when you were a teenager." Now I think, "how did they know all of this? It's almost perfect!" Among many things they were right about like love and school is friendship. I kinda had an inkling that they'd be right that I'd experience heartbreak a couple times before I found the right one and that I'd probably change my mind about what I want to do in college. Of course, not to this degree but I had some sort of idea. However, when they said that the friends you make in college are the ones that are going to be around forever, I called bullshit. There was no way that I was going to lose the friends in high school. We all had so much fun together! Now, I probably talk to 2 people on a daily basis. Maybe one more like once per week, but that's about it. Mostly it's "hey, I miss you! Let's catch up!" which is true, I do miss them and want to see them, but these are the people I thought I'd talk to everyday, no matter where we went after high school. Now, my best friend goes to school with me. I hang out with him literally every day that I'm here, and there's no doubt we'll be friends forever. He's like the mellow I need while still having the same high-energy personality that I need in a friend. And of course there's Emily, who lately I don't get to hang out with a whole lot (and I miss that TONS), she's very similar to me with the aspects that I like about myself while being her own person. She's one of the very few down to Earth girls I know, and sometimes she unknowingly chills out the bad-crazy side of me. And DeLain... who is a great role model, a really good listener, and someone I can also see myself being friends with for a long time. The crazy thing about just these 3 is that I never would have had any idea that they'd be the closest ones to me while I was here when I first met them. In reality, this year brought me so much closer to them all that I feel like only because of them am I able to loosen up my grip on some of the things I was trying to hold onto at home. I hope they're going to be the ones my parents talked to me about before I even met them. And of course, there's so many people I'm STILL meeting! My Quidditch team consists of some of the most interesting and admirable people I know. They have great hearts and the kind of fire inside them that I find to be essential in enjoying life. I'm becoming closer to some people I thought I never would and I can't explain how happy that makes me.
So many different and AWESOME people... I'm thankful for so many of them. I'm thankful for the ones that were once a part of my life and may or may not be anymore as well. and I'm going to be honest when I say that there's a couple of you that I miss way more than I should. But without them, who knows if I'd know some of the people I do now. I'm so glad that my parents were right.
I hope you are lucky enough to find friends that are as amazing as mine. Remember that not everybody is a bad egg. In fact, I've learned that most people aren't. Try to find the best in everyone and with that, I think you will find the best in yourself.
Alright... I might just be on some emotional high right now, but it's awesome. I was informed yesterday that GVSU is making ASL Interpreting a major here next year. I know it might not seem like a big deal, but it really is! It's going to keep me at GVSU, and I don't know... I just feel like my life might be finally turning the direction I want to go. THIS is what I want to do, and I'm finally going to be able to say that and be CERTAIN about the major I'm choosing (as I've already changed it twice). It's hard to accurately explain how big of a deal this is to me, but my life is falling into place. For the first time in a loooooong time, I feel like I can look forward to the rest of my life.
Today I feel like I can take on the world. I finally feel a concrete feeling of happiness. Obviously I could go on and on about how happy I feel but that would just consist of me rambling and grinning at my computer.
I can't help but to feel like this isn't all just chance. I told life that it's gonna turn around, and that's what's gonna happen.
This may or may not have something to do with my good mood, but try to smile at someone today. Say hello or just give a non-creepy grin. You never know what it will do for someone. ;)
Maybe meaning definitely and crazy meaning insane, this statement is true. My head just can't take it sometimes. I know I'm not the greatest person to be saying these things but for the love of God, find SOMETHING POSITIVE. If you're constantly negative, you're going to bring down the people around you. Yes, I'm learning this slowly, but please. Don't learn it after losing people who are important to you.
I can't say who is important and unimportant to me because I feel like some people would be surprised, good and bad. But I can say, life is what you make of it. Surround yourself with the kind of people you wish the world were made of, because they're what make up YOUR world. I'm trying to give some people extra chances, but when you're fucking with MY world, I'm not going to be happy with it. I know who is going to brighten my journey, and I'll be damned if I let someone change that with ease. Not to just one person specifically, open your eyes to the world around you. If you don't like your life, make a change. If you do, appreciate it with everything you can. With most things in life, you don't REALLY get a second chance. Once you screw up, you screw up and it's not easy to forget it. Relationships with people are like styrofoam. The first impression is the blank piece and after that, everything you write in it is going to stay. Every cut and scratch is going to be there every single day after that and you can't change that. People forgive, but people don't forget and because of that, you will never get a second chance once you break the styrofoam, no matter how much you try to glue, tape, or melt it back together.
YOU are in control of your life. Love what you love and cut out what pains you. Sometimes love IS what pains you but remember that if it's really something you love, it shouldn't be hurting you.
Usually here is where I say to remember that you are loved and you deserve the world. While I still hold true to that, I hope you realize that just because you know you love someone, doesn't mean they do. Take time to let those people know, and don't always grasp the negative.
After all, without sadness, how would we know what happiness is?
Yeah, I'm newly single and my ex-boyfriend's v-day present may have just come in the mail but you know what? I refuse to be bitter. It makes me think of baking chocolate and I'm definitely NOT baking chocolate. I'm more like white chocolate chips with like raspberry swirl. Only maybe like strawberry. I dunno, I'm just not bittersweet chocolate. Bleh. I spent yesterday with my best friend, pizza, silly string, a sock monkey, light sabers, Star Wars masks, Chinese food and cookies. I definitely enjoyed the day, but in a way it made me feel like shit. Why is it that I have something so amazing in front of me, but I just can't accept it? Someone who would genuinely want to be with me, who treats me like I always wanted to be treated is RIGHT THERE and I just can't do it. I don't understand what makes me want to be in a broken relationship with someone so bad and completely brush off the ones with a lot of potential...
I know I talk about love a lot, but it's by far the most complicated emotion I have ever had the pleasure/torment of experiencing. It's the only emotion that can make me feel either like I'm standing on top of the world or falling to my knees. I hate that my past (and most likely current, truthfully) feelings are embedded into literally every single thing I do/see/feel. I hate how at some points in the day I feel like I've got so many paths I can choose from, but a couple hours later, when I'm alone in my bed and I have time to think, I only want to turn around and go back down the path I just came from. I just don't think I'm made out to be apathetic. And I don't think I'm made to give up. Maybe that's why I hang on to things for much longer than I should. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time letting go. But maybe I'm changing, because this time is much easier.
Maybe I don't want to change. One of my closest friends told me last night that I haven't changed a bit. I don't know how much I agree with that, but at the core I am the same. I've messed up my surface a bit and I don't like it, like I've said before. I'm working on it, though, and eventually I'll get there. Eventually.
But what if this was my last post? I'm not saying I'm suicidal, because I'm not, I'm just really curious about death. My point though is if I were to die before my next post, I wouldn't be who I want to be. I'm not satisfied with life, I just don't know what it is that I'm craving. I've experienced love (I think), college, heartbreak, blah blah. What am I missing out on? Why do I bring about more questions when I think about other questions? And what is so fascinating about death?
We'll see where this goes. How am I moving on so fast? I'd think that I'm just trying to get over the whole thing but... I don't care anymore. I don't have to worry about anything anymore. It feels nice.Hopefully we can be friends down the road, but we've tried that before. I know this is my blog but I'm gonna do my best not to talk about him anymore. He's not a part of my life anymore, and I don't have any hard feelings toward him. I truly wish him the best.
Moving on, my school's internet absolutely sucks. I shouldn't say that right now, cause I can actually load a video via youtube. It's awesome, I can't ever do that. And now I can't stop listening to Relient K. My friend asked me the other day if I liked them, and since then, that's all I can listen to.
OH OH. AND MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS FIXED. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME?! Maybe not, because maybe you don't know me and maybe nobody reads this in the first place. Who knows. All I know is I fell asleep shortly after getting to watch The Walking Dead at 11. AND I woke up BEFORE my alarm told me to! I don't know the last time that happened... if it ever did.
I just got excited over going to sleep. My life is so lame. XD But hey, I went to Chuck E Cheese last week. And Dammit, I enjoyed it. Plus I made dinner last night, meatloaf and cheesy bacon mashed potatoes. They were awesome. We'll see about dinner tonight. Maybe I'll use my super-fantastic-special-amazing (right. lol) baking skills. Plus Colin and I are gonna make cookies tomorrow since it's Valentine's Day!
And to you, sometimes it's worth it to listen to your own advice. Whether they're your significant other or not, go make cookies with your best friend tomorrow. Or go go-karting. Or watch movies. Or don't. Spend time with people you love, even if that means pampering yourself. You deserve it. :)
It's done. Finito, finished. Nick and I are done and we're not happening again. After talking with a mutual friend of ours, I realized that I'm really not in love with him anymore. I was in love with the idea that I might end up with my best friend, my high school sweetheart, but he's not that guy anymore. And I've changed a little as well. I don't really like that, and I'm changing it. Let's go, World. I'm sick of being me against you. Today I feel really optimistic. I feel cute, I feel fun, I feel like somebody is going to appreciate me today. Mostly though, I'm going to appreciate me. Fuck relying on others to make me happy. I'm an amazing person and well, I'm tired of forgetting that. So today, I'm gonna play Resident Evil 4 and piss my pants at the Regenerators, I'm gonna watch The Walking Dead (WOO!!), rock out with Colin's badass headphones, and maybe play Call of Duty with Alex, my new "boyfriend". ;)
And to you, I hope today you feel like you can take on the world. You can. Until later, I play too much xbox.
Losing hotass mc hot face's number. I met some guy at the bar at my sister's bachelorette party. He was suuuuper cute, sweet, and way funny. He asked for my number and I gave it to him, he texted me and I accidentally deleted it. AAAAGGGHHH. So instead of dating douchefag mc-I-ignore-my-girlfriend-for-weeks-at-a-time, I could be with someone who actually wants to come visit me, who gets excited to talk to me, who doesn't ignore me... you know. The good stuff. Seriously, all I want is to be loved. Why am I settling for this shit? Continually lowering my standards for what reason? Why be in a relationship if you're not happy? It's supposed to go two ways, not one person trying to hold it up for the both of them. If you don't want to be with someone, fine. But don't drag them through the mud. Ladies (and gentlemen), don't settle. You deserve the best. Find someone who loves you like you love them. Be happy with who you're with. Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't make you happy. Let hotass mc hot face take you out to lunch. ;)
You're a German mother in the middle of the Holocaust. Your son's best friend is Jewish, but the SS don't know of your connection with his family yet. The boy's mother, someone who has helped you in the past with some serious stuff, pleads with you. She needs somewhere to hide with her family: her, her husband, and son. You know the possible consequences of hiding a Jew, but you want to help. Honestly, what would you do? You witness an argument online that involves a couple different people you know. The topic is something pretty controversial, like abortion. It's pretty much one against four, but that one person is making a better argument than the other four, becausealmost all of their facts are common misconceptions. However, the one person is "losing" the argument because of the sheer ignorance of the others. Do you step in to make a point and defend the other's argument? or do you ignore it? What would you do? You're completely in love with your best friend's boyfriend of 2 years. They have arguments all the time, but you also know that there are good times. Still, you know you're in love. Do you tell him? Do you talk to your best friend about it? What would you do? You've been with your boyfriend for awhile, you're pretty sure you're in love, and your biggest celebrity crush shows up at your door and wants a shot with you. What would you do? ;) You said no to your celeb, but late down the road, you're losing your guy. He's not calling anymore, he's not trying, but says he still wants to be with you. You're pretty sure you're losing him emotionally, but you don't want to walk away because you're absolutely in love. What would you do?
The picture of me and Nick on the bridge, from my first post. It was just like our first kiss, and it's my favorite kind. When you're both smiling when you kiss... it makes it a little bit harder but it's also that much more enjoyable. What can I say? I love kissing him and I love smiling. It's a double positive. :)
Man, I am on a ROLL with these blog posts. It feels like a purple font kind of post, too. I am currently running on ZERO sleep as per usual. I made the horrifying realization last night that it's been well over a month since I've played LoZ: Skyward Sword. I haven't even beaten it yet! It's sad, I know. I'm just gonna lie and say it's because I've been trying to be a good student. In reality, I'm so stressed out that I can't do anything. Have you ever been there; your brain is at a mental road block and the only thing you have to try and break it down is a rock? Maybe I should get to work on that wall by studying for the chemistry exam I have in 3 hours... Sincerely, Still a zombie.
Since today is another Rachel-is-covered-in-really-itchy-and-unexplained-hives day, I decided it should also be watch-movies-Netflix-categorizes-as-emotional day.I just finished a movie called Listen to Your Heartabout a songwriter who falls in love with a Deaf girl. I know it might be ironic, but anybody who knows me would know that any guy who can sing AND knows sign is my dream guy. (Aside from Nick of course. ;b) Plus the actor is super cute... whoa baby. Ogling aside, the story was so cute. It was just... true love. I know it's just a movie, but does this stuff happen in real life? Do you ever see love stories like this? I personally haven't ever seen it, but how do you know unless you're looking for it? Maybe someone else is having a storybook romance unfold right in front of them, and only they know. Maybe it happens often, but people don't realize it because you don't see everything someone does. You can see it in a movie of course, but you don't know if a person thinks about you all the time. Someone can say they do, but how often do you get that genuine kind of love? How do you know when someone says "I think about you all the time" out of love or infatuation? How do you even know the terms in which you'd say it? I don't know when I fell in love with Nick. I don't even know the general time. Maybe it's kinda always been there, like when something is dormant. That makes love sound like some kind of disease or something. Maybe it is. Love can really be a bitch.
Hello internet world. If I don't know you, nice to meet you. If I do know you, well... I don't know how you stumbled across my blog, but hello anyway.
I suppose I can start off with a little bit about me, but be prepared; most days I'm negative, pessimistic, and angry. I'm diabetic, a sophomore in college, completely lost at where I'm going, and completely in love. I love zombies, chapstick, xbox, diet mountain dew, Nick, sign language, Harry Potter, and Bo Burnham. I hate bad drivers, people who aren't ever empathetic, being cold, being hot, social networking (lol), the way my nose looks from the side, the sound of people eating, and bad grammar. The rest you can find out as time goes on. :)
So about a week ago, I stepped away from Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, blah blah blah... I'd have to say, that was a fantastic idea. While I am definitely out of the loop on things, I'm way less stressed. No more worrying about drama. Woo. I'd suggest everyone try it for a little. I feel so free! Or something like that...
Actually, if we're being honest about our feelings, I feel like shit. All the time. I literally hate every minute I'm awake, which is even worse because I don't know HOW but somehow I've developed extreme insomnia. I get like 4 hours of sleep per night at most, if I even go to sleep at all. I hate to make my first blog about negative feelings and whiny cries out but to be honest, it's the entire reason I started this thing. So begin rant-ish thing:
I've been with a guy on and off for over 2 years now. I shouldn't just say "a guy" because he's not just a guy. You know how when life seems grey everyone is black and white, then there's one person who is just... they glow? Maybe you don't, but that's kinda how I know I'm in love. But what do you do when the opposite isn't the same? I hate when I look at other guys who are just completely head over heels for their girls... Always saying how much they love the girl, going out of their way to make her smile, saying cute things, etc. I realized that I never had that. Not even at our best, we were never like that. Which for awhile was okay with me. Nick has his own way of doing things. He has different values than other people and different weaknesses. I could try to explain him but it wouldn't do justice. I was happy, and that's all that mattered. I don't know where things changed, but they did. I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me anymore, which I've kinda learned to accept but it's more like I'm in zombie mode now. Granted that's not all because of Nick, but everything that ever went wrong with us is like caving in on me. I want to fix it, and I want everything to be okay for good. Maybe it's too late for that. Maybe I'm just not that special.I'd say maybe I'm not supposed to be with Nick, and maybe I'm not, but there's not a single person in the world who comes even close to him. I'm hoping to ride this out and things can finally work out for us. Not likely, but I'm trying. I guess I'm just burning out. He was supposed to call last night... I don't know how many times I've said that. :\
Here's to things getting better. I don't want to be negative and unhappy anymore. I'm really sick of wanting to crash my car into a building. I'm really tired of saying that and not kidding.
