Letter I'll Never Send #2

To you,

It's been awhile, and I'm surprised it's taken me this long. I hope life is alright with you. In case you were wondering, I've been okay. It's hard sometimes to remember to relax in life. I need to just be patient and stop trying to grow up so fast. My years are going by fast and I hardly get to stop and take a breath. I've been lucky enough to do it a lot recently though. You probably don't know this, but I've been signing a lot lately. I feel like God has been trying to guide me this way for awhile. Maybe not God, but something. He's still something I'm pretty unsure of. We talked about Him a little over the course of our friendship, and I don't think much has changed as far as that goes. 

I wish you were still here. Sometimes I want to just be next to you and talk about a lot of the stuff we used to. I liked your view on life. I'm pretty curious to know if that's changed. At the same time, I really hope you're doing your own thing. I hope things are going in the direction you couldn't go with me there. I think I've changed a bit, even within the last month. Can't really fight it forever, can you? :)

In the small chance you will actually read this, I want you to know that I've forgiven you, and I've forgiven myself. I don't believe in fate, but I know we were supposed to cross paths. You strengthened me as a person, and for that I will always be grateful. I hope in the end, I had some positive effect on you too. I understand that no matter how much you want something to turn out one way, or how hard you try to push it in one direction, it's gonna do its own thing. And now we're only left with memories. In some way, moments with you are like 90's cartoons. Sometimes I'm gonna flip on netflix to watch with nostalgia, but they're not being made anymore. Maybe someday I'll find cartoons I like better, but at the moment 90s cartoons are still the best. ;)

I won't say anymore for now, even though you know I could talk for hours. I just wanted you to know that I still smile when I think of you. 

Until we meet again,
Rachel