Sometimes...

People often assume things that aren't true. Specifically, that I'm a heartless bitch. I guess, since that's how certain people have been acting toward me lately. Just in case you're reading this, and you think this of me, I hope I never did anything to you to make you think that. While I often don't like myself, I try to be a better person to those around me. Give yourself a chance to really know me before you assume, and I'll do the same.

Moving on, today I went to the beach with a friend of mine. We chatted about a lot. Family, God, boys, reading saxophone playing Swedish super model chefs who are always stocked with sunscreen and chapstick... I forgot something there. But you get my point. I've got to grow up. I've got to get a job and start depending on myself. While I have friends, the only person who has ever been able to see every side of me (and understand each one) isn't here anymore. How do you emotionally depend on one person for so long and then stop? What am I supposed to do now? I mean, I can't force that connection with anyone but I crave it so bad. I need to be able to show my rawest form to my best friend without any conditions or consequences. I just don't have that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting down the friends I have, I love them. But I need a best friend. I need a family that can hold themselves together. I need to learn how to be happy with myself.

I guess this was just a bad week.

Until next time,
Come on.