I've decided that I'm going to start writing in the form of letters to people who may or may not be important to me for a little while. With that, here begins letters I will never send.
Dear You,
I miss you. Today I was thinking about you, like every day. I miss spending days at a time in your apartment. How are you doing? How's heaven? Is it like I imagine? Heaven to me is not perfect. It's a continuous adventure with ups and downs. Really, it's life without the fear of death. Loving without the fear of being hurt. Heaven is the lack of fear. Is that what it's like? You can't be afraid for me because you know I'll be okay in the end. I'd ask you to give me a glimpse, but I don't want to live in the future all the same I don't want to live in the past.
Can you run without being afraid of pain? Can you jump? Are you with your siblings again? Is that where you'd rather be?
How do I know you're really there?
I miss you. I hate that I can remember some of our worst moments even though I know that's not what you care about.
I'm so curious about death, but I'm not afraid. I want to enjoy what is a little more certain right now.
What if there's nothing?
I hope to hear from you soon. Love you,
Your Big Baby Girl
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